Not dead!

Hello Folks!
This is a very living sign of me, Loddar. :-)
Against the evil newspaper articles, I declare solemnly, that I am still alive.
Very alive, in a very good shape, better than ever.
I am not dead, will not be dead and will not die in the coming future.
I give you my promise. A promise as a famous worldmaster in football.
A Loddar Matthäus is a living legend. And therefore I will be alive, always.
Even if you, dear folks, will all be mouse-dead, buried and rotten in your graves. Possibly your are taken out of your graves by lions, foxes or wolves and torn into pieces by them. Then eaten up for dinner by them. If not, you are put in a tree for storage and eaten up months later. Or you stay in the tree as a kind of Christmas decoration. If your are not taken out of the grave, your are eaten up by worms, snails and other little insects. In worst case: you are buried by mistake and your are still alive? In this case, the lions would be a better – and faster – solution for you. I wish the lions coming for you! Really.
Hmm, perhaps you could install a kind of bell in your coffin? And ring the bell several times, so that your wife could hear it and free you BEFORE burying you alive?
My advice: Make sure, before dying, that you have a very good connection to your wife. Sign a contract or so, and make sure, that she will HEAR the bell. Okay? Fine.
To be buried alive is not a funny thing, mates. I experienced it, because I was buried alive by NEWSPAPERS!!!
It was a shock, when I read it. At first, I really believed it. I felt really bad, somehow exhausted or weak. I thought: Shit, this is really a bad feeling, being dead. Not funny. But then, after drinking some coffee, having a shower and going out for lunch, I remarked: Holy shit, I am still alive! This is all a big lie in the newspaper! And I was really furious! Very underwhelmed!
I made a phone call:
„Hello newspaper Boss, listen, I am Loddar, and do you know what?“
„I am still alive!“
„Aha.“ He ended up the call.
And so began my famous resurrection.
Since then, I got milliards of marriage proposals. Billions of women want to be married with a formerly dead man, like Jesus. Or: Loddar Matthäus.
And so this story has a very happy ending, especially for me.
Wish you the best and:
Beware of the lions!
Yours Loddar :-))

Über Liv Maxx

I love Writing.
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4 Antworten zu Not dead!

  1. Creamy schreibt:

    Ohhh my gosh,

    the godfather of football and especially women-understanding is alive.

    I was suffering and crying because of the news I read in my Amtsblaettle….and now…it was all a lie…just a fiction of the sensation-hungry local press.

    Thank you so much for your clarification.

    Can’t await to hear news about to be a football or a football-shoe.


  2. Anna Nuehm schreibt:

    Stop crying and suffering, my dear Creamy, I put my hand on your head and you feel completely awesome! Works?
    Oh my God, it was even in your sweet Amtsblaettle – this is really shocking.
    But now, all doubts are abolished by my famous declaration of Loddar’s Life.

    Let’s go quickly to new job offers:
    – Great offer from the DDR ( Eastern part of Germany, you know)
    – Awesome offer from the Kapverdian Islands (somewhere in some ocean, you know)
    – Leader of a new world religion (Like Jesus, but with football included)
    AND: becoming the next president of the USA (Somewhere in the USA, you know)

    Yes, I have to work out new lectures in the next days! Some people are still rolling down a hill, which we trained at the beginning of the year…
    Best regards! Loddar enlightened

  3. Crischo schreibt:

    Loddar the first real living dead?.. Zombies ate his brain? Ach so!
    I cannot resist:

  4. Anna Nuehm schreibt:

    Nobody ate my brain! This is really a newspaper’s duck!
    If anybody would be allowed to eat my brain, it would be me. And nobody else.
    Because for normal people my brain is toooooo big. Understood?
    yours brainful
    Ps: Beware lovely of the lions, mate!
    Pps: nice music, anyways.

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